Virtual Moment of Joy!
Cheerfully brought to you by:
KC Christensen-Lang, Joyologist / Success Coach
October 2007

FAN MAIL OF THE MOMENT

"Why is KC's Virtual Moment of Joy like a camel? It gets you over the humps. Okay that...and it can go without water. Whattttt?"    Georgia Richardson, www.queenjawjaw.com Humorist and Virtual Assistant for
Boomer Women Speak, and National Association of Baby Boomer Women and Humor Columnist for BOOMER Magazine

"KC- I always like getting your newsletters. I am responding this time because I thought that you might appreciate the post I made the other day on my blog: http://www.evolutionshift.com/blog/2007/09/25/a-happiness-index/.  Of course you should be one of the advisors on the index. Feel free to pass on to anyone.  Be well."  David Houle, www.evolutionshift.com

"Thank you for bringing a RAY of SUNSHINE into my life through your connection. You have no idea how much your phone call brought me out of a rut that I had slipped in. You've rejuvenated me and helped reinforce the mission that I am on. When you touch one life, you often touch several. Thank you for touching my life and making a difference. I look forward to having you on my journey in some way, shape or form. I trust that it will reveal itself fully in time. You are a gift and I thank you for being you."  Lisa Cotter, Better Life Productions Make Mama Happy Mini Retreats and The Q Kindness Cafe www.qkindness.com  Featured in the December 2005 issue of Working Mother Magazine, National Association of Women Business Owners of Minnesota 2005 Luminary Award Winner

INTERESTING FACTS OF THE MOMENT

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait...

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

MORE DISORDER IN THE COURT
Courtesy of Ann Champagne

These are excerpted from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and Are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

DOCTOR/NURSES OF THE MOMENT
Courtesy of Cliff Cornhall

1.  A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

2.  At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient . Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3.  One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."   Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"  After a look of complete confusion she answered...  "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

RESCUE OF THE MOMENT

DIVORCE OF THE MOMENT

"Dear Wife,  I am writing you this letter to tell you that I am leaving you forever. I have been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case, I am gone. Your Ex-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!"

**************************************************

"Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It is true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you have been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers? I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.  I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem."

QUOTES OF THE MOMENT

"You're alive, you might as well be glad."  Neal Diamond

"Pain is deeper than all thought; Laughter is higher than all pain."   Elbert Hubbart

"Laughter is one of the most divine experiences, but very few people really laugh.  Their laughter is shallow.  Either it is just intellectual or just a facade or just a formality or just a mannerism, but it is never total.

If a person can laugh totally, wholeheartedly, not holding anything back at all, in that very moment, something tremendous can happen - because laughter, when it is total, is absolutely egoless and that is the only condition in which to know god, to be egoless.

There are many ways to be egoless but laughter is the most beautiful way.  Laughter needs no talent.  In fact children laugh more beautifully more totally.  As they grow up, their laughter becomes shallow;  they start holding back, they start thinking whether to laugh or not to laugh, or whether it is right in this situation to laugh.

Learn the laughter of small children again laugh consciously and totally - and not only at others, at yourself too. One should never miss an opportunity to laugh. Laughter is prayer."  from OSHO

JOB DESCRIPTION OF THE MOMENT
Courtesy of Kim Peck

POSITION TITLE:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be
indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

SIGN OF THE MOMENT

WISE MOTHERS OF THE MOMENT
Courtesy of Ann Champagne

1. My mother taught me, TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me, RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about, TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me, LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me, MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me, FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me, IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about, THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about, STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about, WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about, HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the, CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about, BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about, ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about, ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about, RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me, MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

18. My mother taught me, ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me, HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me"

20. My mother taught me, HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me, GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about, MY ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me about, WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me about, JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you ."

MARRIED FOLK OF THE MOMENT
Courtesy of Ann Champagne

"Both my wives were good housekeepers! My first wife kept my first house, and my second wife kept my second house." Anonymous
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry
"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together." Hemant Joshi
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates
"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them." Dumas
"The great question ... Which I have not been able to answer ... Is, "What does a woman want?" Sigmund Freud
"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me." Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays! Yes, I go Fridays." Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray
"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up." Nash
"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." Anonymous
"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to." Henny Youngman
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield
"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." Milton Berle
"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy." Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

HUMOR: A FEW OF LIFE'S GREAT PONDERABLES
Courtesy of Philip E. Humbert, PhD, President, The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc.

When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?

Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?

When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you never just see ception?

Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at fortune tellers take economists seriously?

If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would they get a four legged chicken with it's own barcode?

Why is there always one in every crowd?

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

LAWYER JOKE OF THE MOMENT

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.  "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"  Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"  The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."  On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

HAPPY MARKETPLACE


SUMMERTIME SMILES

We hope we made you smile, brighten your day or ya learned something new. If so, please forward this happy little email to a pal, a faraway relative, a co-worker or even the boss. We love to cheer people up and connect people worldwide. Spread the word about our "Virtual Moment of Joy" and let's hear from you too. Until next time, ENJOY A LAUGHTER-FILLED SUMMER!



KC Christensen-Lang, Success Coach/Joyologist
PR Consultant/Publicist/Speaker/Trainer
Multiple Streams of Income / Make Money While You Sleep Licensee
Owner/CEO, HAPPINESS IS...
(207) 361-2084
www.ToolsForPositiveLiving.com     
www.DynamicDuoPR.com        
 

HAPPY MARKETPLACE OF THE MOMENT

Welcome to our new HAPPY MARKETPLACE!  If you contact any of the vendors below, please let them know we sent you!  Happy Browsing!

Interested in a healthier lifestyle? Experience the Arbonne Difference... Natural, botanically-based products that are proven pure, safe & beneficial and produce results! To view Arbonne's products, or for more information visit www.rejuvenatetoday.myarbonne.com or contact Dawna Gagne, Executive Area Manager, Independent Consultant at 207-646-7322 or email her at dawnagagne@myarbonne.com.

“Speaking of Success” featuring KC Christensen-Lang, with the famed bestselling authors and brilliant personal development gurus, Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul), Ken Blanchard (One Minute Manager) and Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People).  Click HERE for more information.

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